This is a privately owned blog. It is not and has never been an official organ of any ecclesiastical organization.

"No one man, or group of men, can himself speak for the Church of Christ. It is nonetheless possible to speak from within the Church, in conformity with Orthodox tradition; and it is this that we shall attempt to do." Fr. Seraphim Rose Orthodox Word #1 Jan-Feb 1965 p. 17

Is Suaiden a wife abuser?

ECafe Suaiden probable wife beater
for study of psychopathy/narcissism
post date:  July 2015

     Disclaimer:  I can't defend Euthymios, who is obviously mentally ill.   But his mental illness does not excuse Suaiden's narcissism or eliminate the probability of his wife-abuse.

Is Suaiden a wife-beater?

Since there is no proof, we have to rely on instinct.  Innocent until proven guilty.  Yes.  But what that means is that the suspect goes UNPUNISHED until proven guilty.  It does not mean that we believe he is innocent.  

For the title of this post I thought of two possibilities:
1. ECafe Suaiden possible wife-beater
2. ECafe Suaiden probable wife-beater

I chose probable because my instincts tell me that this accusation is the tip of the iceberg.  It is not uncommon for a younger narcissist first-time wife-beater to quickly figure out that he can't maintain control of people in his life (friends and relatives) if he hits his wife.  So, the typical psychopath with intelligence enough to see this, will change his abuse tactics to something that can't be detected.  Something passive-aggressive.  Something he can twist to even blame on his wife. 

The abuser's sneaky way of abusing his wife could be as simple as neglect – he just starts neglecting her.   And while she is being neglected she finds some other interests – maybe she takes a ceramics class where she makes new friends.  Then the abuser tells friends and relatives that his wife is neglecting him and their home.  It is HER fault she is not happy, and it is her fault HE is not happy.   He might confide in his wife's relatives and friends, telling them that his wife is slipping away from the marriage – in this way he gains their support and isolates her from her family and friends who side with him.  This is just one example I have seen.  Truth was that the wife just wanted to find something to do besides sit at home moping because of her mean neglectful husband.  She didn't want to be so "needy".  But the psychopath husband didn't want her to have any relief from her misery.  She was supposed to stay home alone and suffer.  And many abused wives do just that...

Another passive-aggressive wife-abuse tactic is when the husband gives subtle little clues that could indicate he is having an affair.  He is vague about where he was, and rather than answer her, gets defensive that she is even asking where he was – all the while making sure he does not tell her...  He's not actually having an affair, but he wants her to suffer by being suspicious, and then belittle her when she gets suspicious.

ECafe post about vigante bishop Gregory of Colorado
Excerpts from the 11-page conversation

First Euthymios gives his opinion on something.  Then Suaiden says something really rude to him about the way he lives, which has nothing to do with the opinion he expressed.  Euthymios then answers the rudeness defending himself:

by Euthymios » Fri 11 January 2008 11:06 am

Excuse me? 

Let me give you an example of what I live: 
1. No association with my family. Why? Because Orthodoxy teaches familiarity is a sin, silence is a virue, a monk must forsake his family (however most monks today are not real monks so they continue to associate with their familes) and because suffering is good for the soul and attracts grace. And "silence is the mystery of the future age." 
2. No association with friends. Why? Because they tempt me, lead me into sin, idol talking, and silence is a virtue, and familiarity is a sin. 
3. No women in my life. The reason should be obvious. You've had multiple wives so you wouldn't understand this. You wouldn't have any concept of the struggles entailed in celibacy and death to the world. And its extra-difficult for me because women have and always flirted with me. Even if I didn't want to be a monk I wouldn't get married. Women are completely useless and a waste of time and life. They demand too much materialism and energy. 
4. Sleeping on the floor on a mat. Why? Because poverty is a virtue and because struggles attract grace. 
5. Morning and evening prayers, two akathists a day, in addition to countless Jesus prayers with complete isolation from the outside world with the exception of having to shop and work around those damned and apostate heretics. And the fasts which are killing me. 
6. I Can't commune and go to church. Why? because they''re all ecumenists. 
7. Waves and waves of negativity and unhappiness twenty-four hours a day. I can't even sleep because my mind won't turn off. 
8. I can't go to church and commune because there are no valid churches anywhere. 
9. Absolutely no support from a priest because there are no priests. 
There is only so much a person can take. 
Temptations from every direction: from within my thoughts, and outside constantly. 
All of this together with all the abuse, struggles, negativity and unhappiness all my life has made me what I am. 
I have been a serious Christian for over twenty years. I have endured absolute hell, negativity, opression and depression. I never gave up. Over 80% of evangelical Christians deny the faith during their first year of college. I NEVER denied it. Those people are complete spiritual imbeciles and panzies. 
What have you strugged for Orthodoxy? 
Give me a freaking break. 
You wouldn't last 48 hours in my shoes. 
You would either go insane or put a bullet in your head.

by Suaiden » Fri 11 January 2008 9:39 pm

You're crazy. You are bonkers. Completely insane. That's all I can say. You don't know what it has been to be in my shoes. So I would watch my mouth if I were you. But put that aside, your story is the obvious story of a man in prelest, and one we have seen too often come out of Dormition Skete.

by Euthymios » Fri 11 January 2008 9:45 pm

And the devil magnifies temptations and makes them more real then their actual reality. You wouldn't know about this because you are not dead to the world. 

You people aren't even in the same vocabulary. 

And Suaiden, a confirmed wife beater who then proceeds to lie about it in public, should be reticent on giving any advice on religion. Instead he should walk with his head bowed in silence and repentance. 

There is a phenomenon among contemporary Orthodox people where they lie and deceive. The best cases I have known are with the Etna people (who I believe are homosexuals). And the Colorado nutt. The Etna people lie and slander people just to cover their own backs. They accuse everyone of being homosexual because in reality I believe they are homosexuals. They try to focus the attention off themselves. I have reason and evidence to believe they are homosexuals, but I will not elaborate on this. My experience with them and the testimony I heard from one of their former monks is sufficient for me.

by Suaiden» Fri 11 January 2008 10:09 pm

Really, a confirmed wife-beater? 

Who confirmed it? Certainly not my ex-wife, nor any police department, so who then confirmed it for you?

by Euthymios » Sat 12 January 2008 2:37 am

As for your wife beating, I stand on the testimony of your former wife (by the way divorce and remarriage is a sin and the Bible calls it adultery). 

by Suaiden» Sat 12 January 2008 3:37 am
Either you cite a letter from my former wife or I will begin to consider legal proceedings against you. I speak to my ex-wife infrequently concerning my children. However, she has NEVER accused me of beating her, nor violence towards her, nor did she claim it during our divorce.

by nyc xenia  » Sat 12 January 2008 4:37 am
As for your slanderous claim against my husband, I can only repeat your own words back to you.... 

If you are going to make such a claim, please provide your official statement or police report. Because regardless of what anyone has told you in "private", YOU have just published hearsay on a public forum. That makes YOU legally responsible for defamation.

I strongly suggest that you either retract what you have said or else verify it.

Xenia Suaiden

by Euthymios » Sat 12 January 2008 9:59 am
lol now they're threatening to sue me! That's SO Christian is it not? What happened to "turn the other cheek"? This is a clear example of why I gave my theory that most Orthodox do not live the Christian life. They have all the exernals and outer shell of religiosity, but they do not live in accordance with that exterior. 

As for my source, I got it from Dormition Skete. I think they said they even talked to your ex-wife and she told them this. And the lack of an official police report does not prove it didn't happen. Many of these cases go unreported. Someone is lying either you (his ex-wife) Suaidan or Dormition Skete, and I really don't care. I have no proof you are even his ex-wife. For all I know you are probably his current wife posing as his ex-wife. I'm inclined to believe this.

Because regardless of what anyone has told you in "private, YOU have just published hearsay on a public forum.  That makes YOU legally responsible for defamation. 
Are you kidding me? Suaiden makes a virtual career on hearsay on this forum. He slandered and defamed Dormition Skete multiple times and even in writing. He even illegally posted copies of their e-mails on the internet. There are copyright laws against this kind of thing. And he threatens me with legal action? Whatever.

by nyc xenia  » Sat 12 January 2008 6:42 pm
Your "source" of being a "confirmed wife-beater" is a third party hearsay? Thank you for confirming this. Though it is unimportant in the actual matter since it was you who sought out defamation on this public forum.

by Euthymios » Sun 13 January 2008 4:14 am
I gave you the source (Dormition Skete) of my information in reference to Suaiden's domestic violence. Yes, they could (and probably did) lie. I don't trust them anymore. I will not use this or ever spread it to anyone so you have nothing to worry about. Your secret (if infact it is a secret) is safe with me 

Suaiden cannot be trusted or believed on anything he says. He is a very malicious person. This is evidenced by the very fact he illegally posted private e-mails from Dormition Skete on a forum just to cover his own back. This is the type of person we are dealing with. In addition, he threatened to sue me. Newsflash: Christian's don't sue people, especially other Christians. Saint Paul prohibited this in 1 Corinthians 6. I admit Dormition Skete might have lied about him. But given Suaiden's behavior on these threads, his penchant for exaggeration, lying, dishonesty and slander, I don't believe him either. Remember, we are talking about a person who has been caught warping the canons, tried to distinguish between civil and Church marriage (Paul makes no such distinction) to justify his adultery, and even threatened legal action against a Christian. This is hardly a person that has any credibility. And from my very first posts on this forum, he continued to accuse me of being a spy for Dormition Skete. Originally when I e-mailed him he thought I was a secret Catholic. He even refused to tell me the jurisdiction he was in. He even doubted who I was so he had ben give him my phone number.  He is clearly, as Dormition Skete once told me, a paranoid psychopath.

The End

Appendix I

Suaiden left a trail of psychpathic narcissistic thought:

by Suaiden » Fri 11 January 2008 9:39 pm
You're crazy. You are bonkers. Completely insane. That's all I can say. You don't know what it has been to be in my shoes.  So I would watch my mouth if I were you.  But put that aside, your story is the obvious story of a man in prelest, and one we have seen too often come out of Dormition Skete.

Take a closer look:

You're crazy. You are bonkers. Completely insane.  That's all I can say.
Dismiss everything the person says because of one or two loose screws?  No, Euthymios is not "completely" insane.  That he has a mental illness or disorder of some kind is obvious, for sure.  But hardly is he "completely insane".  Many of the things he dares to say are actually true.  Where he messes up is he does not properly weigh the evidences and his conclusions are too often mixed in with his psychotic imaginings.

You don't know what it has been to be in my shoes.
Typical narcissist changes the subject to him.  It is always about him.  And, of course, anytime someone else might steal his limelight, he always has a bigger story to tell.   His experiences/accomplishments/etc. always grander.  And here he has a twinge of fear that somebody might start to feel sympathy for Euthymios.  Suaiden knows well that sympathy is a powerful manipulative tool, he does not want it to fall into enemy hands – he has to remind his audience that he is worthy of greater sympathy than Euthymios.  But this thought was fleeting.  He quickly moved on to the next psychopathic manipulative tactic of threatening and bullying:

So I would watch my mouth if I were you.
And because Suaiden has a bigger story to tell, ; for this reason Euthymios should be fearful of saying anything.  This reminds me of something Nicholas Candela noticed about Suaiden, which is also recorded in the 2008 ECafe archives: 
Do we dare not approach Joe Suaiden with an observation, except on our knees? Are you the Oz of Orthodoxy?

There is something more going on here.  In this instance Suaiden having the "bigger story" is a secondary motive.  His primary motive for his bullying is that he wants the monopoly on the manipulative tactic of the sympathy ploy.  What he is saying here can be paraphrased, "Listen here Euthymios:  Don't think you are going to horn in on the sympathy of this audience.  ALL of the potential sympathy of this audience, MY audience, is reserved for ME and MY USE ONLY!  Got it?   This is MY show and MY stage and I can get you kicked out of here at any time.  So you had better just shut your pie hole about any abuse you might think you have suffered, if you know what is good for you!

But put that aside, your story is the obvious story of a man in prelest, and one we have seen too often come out of Dormition Skete.
Suaiden goes back to totally dismissing Euthymios, and at the same time tries changing the subject.  Notice his implicative use of the word "we"?

If Suaiden sees this post, it will not be theraputic for him.  Suaiden's narcissism is not normal human narcissism which we all have to some degree.  Suaiden's narcissism is accompanied by characteristics of psychopathy.  The only thing a psychopath learns through his experiences is how to become a better psychopath – how to better disguise his true motives, keep his mask from slipping, and improve his manipulative techniques.