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"No one man, or group of men, can himself speak for the Church of Christ. It is nonetheless possible to speak from within the Church, in conformity with Orthodox tradition; and it is this that we shall attempt to do." Fr. Seraphim Rose Orthodox Word #1 Jan-Feb 1965 p. 17

Example of Narcissist Ping Pong game from true life

Updated September 9, 2015
The reader will not fully understand this example without first seeing the parent post.
 parent post:  http://kftu.blogspot.com/2015/09/metropolia-mob-wives.html
tiny url for this post:  http://tinyurl.com/ormatzf



#1 Ping-Pong: When a person begins to understand how a narcissist works, he or she realizes that it’s a bit like playing ping-pong.  Anytime a narcissist has to self-reflect about anything, they will immediately throw the ball back to the person they consider their opponent.  Narcissists will always throw the ball back to the other person.  They do this in the expectation that they won’t have to take responsibility for their behavior.  Narcissists hope that by not taking responsibility for their own actions (by using blaming, shaming, projection, denial, etc.) their partner will do what they have always done – forgive the narcissist, make excuses for the narcissist’s behavior, claim the narcissist couldn’t help himself because he was having a bad day, and so on.



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Xenia Suaiden

Thu, Sep 3, 2015 at 10:01 AM
To: Joanna Higginbotham

Hi Joanna,

I just sent you a chat invite.  I figured you might feel more comfortable telling me your life advice personally. Or you could send me your phone number, if that's easier.  Whatd'ya say?


In Christ, 
Dcssa Xenia 


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Joanna Higginbotham

Thu, Sep 3, 2015 at 11:35 AM
To: Xenia Suaiden 

Hello Xenia,

...Only after you recognize that your husband is a malignant
narcissist.  Then, I can support you as a victim of narcissistic
abuse.  In the context of the Church...   I can't give advice, I can
only support you.

In the meantime there are many good websites and forums online about
narcissists.  Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  NPD for short.

Nobody can give any advice – there is no answer.  The only advice you
will hear is the "No Contact" policy.  There is no way to deal with a
narcissist.  NPD is incurable.

You could start by reading M.Scott Peck's "People of the Lie" and see
what you recognize in the examples he gives.

Sam Vankin is a self-realized narcissist.  There is a free video
online documentary about him, "I Psychopath".

I know what your husband is, so I know what he does to you.  If you
are starting to see it yourself, then praise God.

love in Christ,
Joanna

p.s.  I did not want Minas to post the Mob Wives memes.  I argued that
you have stayed out of things lately and that deserves some respect,
to keep you out of it if you want to be out of it.  But Minas is a
victim, too, – and he is trying to cope in his way.  I apologize to
you for the post.
--
"An evil faith and a false church is arising."
(Bishop Theophan the Recluse †)



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Xenia Suaiden

Thu, Sep 3, 2015 at 7:08 PM
To: Joanna Higginbotham

Joanna,

For the record, I didn't read the memes, nor anything on that site, I went right to your comment. As for "staying out of things lately" I have literally no clue what you're talking about. For the most part, I don't concern myself with online drama and attention seeking, I'm far too busy and too old for it. Though one sure way to get me to stay in touch with you on the occasion, is by saying things that could possibly offend even a non-believer.

First things first,  you write me and start with, " your husband is a malignant narcissist". Here's the thing, no, he's not and even if he were, it's not your place to judge the state of a man's soul.  The fathers say plenty on the matter, but these sayings are useless unless you are actually attempting to find the faults within your own soul and not the shortcomings of others.

Next, none of us are victims of narcissistic abuse, or anything else for that matter. Quit the drama. You know very little about either one of us, except for what you've gathered here and there online.  

This is what I see-- a very idle and bored, unhappy, discontent people trying to fill a little empty spot in their souls by being busy bodies and poking around in the personal lives of others.  You busily stitch together paragraphs and phrases from the internet, as if desperately grasping at straws.  All the while you're looking at a busted jigsaw puzzle, attempting to put it together in some abstract and inaccurate manner, using the power of imagination and the spirit of malice. I'm not sure how this entire hatefest started and honestly, what's the difference? It's not good and you'd be better off learning something new, or helping someone with something more positive in nature.

Here's the problem, you've demonized my husband and I think (and I might be wrong) that you believe that you have earned some God given right to do so. But I'll tell you this Joanna, you have no cause whereby you will be justified by God, not here nor in heaven for having condemned any man on earth, especially another Orthodox Christian.  Our salvation is not measured by how well we determined another man's sin, but rather with how well we've determined and tried to overcome our own sins and shortcomings.

Again, you know neither my husband nor myself and yet you've taken it upon yourself to create some fantasy version of who we actually are. And for simple clarifications: I watch what I want, when I want to watch it. It's not up for public opinion, nor debate and last I checked,  I didn't share any of my streaming stations or prefered shows with you. Do you know why? Because it doesn't concern you, the general public, your safety or salvation, to know what I'm watching and when.  

Now, I don't know if you watch TV and really, I don't care. Do you know why I don't care Joanna? Because it's not my business and I have better things to concern and occupy my mind with.  There, see how that works? 

I watch what I want and (get this) I also make it a point  not to busy myself with the personal lives or shortcomings of others.  I also do not pretend to know the state of a person's soul.  When and if I see people sinning, I do not occupy myself with their sins because I have my own sins and problems to think about. Everybody sins, we all fall short of God's glory and it is only when we believe (due to secret pride) that we are better than others, that God's grace departs from us. Prelest BTW, usually follows.  

It's much better to mind one's own business and not think more of ourselves than we should. 


That said, I'd like to go over the advice you gave. Let's look at it as if you did not write it and it was not directed at me.

I am going to paraphrase it for general consumption, so that any reader which happens to stumble upon it may benefit from it.


If a woman finds herself in an unhealthy relationship, she has three choices:
    1. Let him destroy her, or destroy herself (Commit Suicide)
    2. Become as unhealthy as her spouse
    3. Leave him



Let's pause, just for a moment and re-read the advice above.
  • Now I want you to imagine that you happened to find this on some trivial website for giving relationship advice. 
  • Next I'd like to know what you would (as a Christian) tell the person who wrote that?

If at this point the opinion of what you wrote has not changed, I have nothing left to say. 

In Christ, 

Dcssa Xenia



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Joanna Higginbotham

Thu, Sep 3, 2015 at 7:59 PM
To: Xenia Suaiden 

Dear Xenia,

I have not shared with you my opinion.  Only I have shared my
observation.  I too, have nothing more to say.

love in Christ,
Joanna



























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why I do not believe Xenia when she says she did not read the memes

1. It is unlikely.  It is against human nature.  Curiosity would have gotten the better of her.  If Xenia has achieved this level of dispassion, she would not have sent me an email.

2.What tipped me off, though, what got me to thinking was her statement, 
"I watch what I want, when I want to watch it."
This is so childish.  Is Xenia really this stupid?  No...  can't be...  This is Xenia pretending she did not see the memes.  She is pretending she assumes the post is about watching TV in general.  She wants to skip passed her cussing online.  This is Xenia ACTING like she did not read the memes and ACTING like she does not really know what the memes are about.  And her ACTING is just a bit too OVER-ACTING, (don't we think?).

3. She pretends that the post itself matters not enough for her to even read it, – that only my comment matters.  But then there is a contradiction when she pretends to have an assumed knowledge of the post that supposedly matters none.



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Xenia's introductory paragraph.  

This is her introduction to her whole email.  
For the record, I didn't read the memes, nor anything on that site, I went right to your comment. As for "staying out of things lately" I have literally no clue what you're talking about. For the most part, I don't concern myself with online drama and attention seeking, I'm far too busy and too old for it. Though one sure way to get me to stay in touch with you on the occasion, is by saying things that could possibly offend even a non-believer.
The body of her writing will support her introduction.  Let's pick it apart:


For the record, I didn't read the memes, nor anything on that site, I went right to your comment.
Here she sets the stage, sets the game rules.  This can be paraphrased:  "We are going to pretend that my cussing online is not worth mentioning.  That is not the issue and we will not mention it."


As for "staying out of things lately" I have literally no clue what you're talking about.  I don't concern myself with online drama and attention seeking, I'm far too busy and too old for it.
This could be true, true that she does not know what I'm talking about.   But as for avoiding online drama, that is questionable.  This I can skip over since I see in it nothing significant.  It maybe adds to her claim that she did not read the memes.
   

Though one sure way to get me to stay in touch with you on the occasion, is by saying things that could possibly offend even a non-believer.
This is her pretense, her excuse to launch her attack.  Her excuse could be anything, it does not matter what it is, just so it is half-way related to the subject, or seems to relate to the subject.  All she really needs is an excuse to fire criticisms at me.  She has chosen to play a word game with psychopath vs. "unhealthy relationship".  She pretends to be all indignant and self-righteous about  the thing I said that is so greatly offensive to all humankind.

But it is just an excuse for her to berate me for everything she can think of that might hurt me.  The purpose of her email is to rain fire and brimstone on me.  AND – here is the clincher – I'm supposed to be desirous to know how to prevent future attacks from her.  This is the purpose of her letter: to make me afraid to ever again say anything that might offend her. 



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The 3 choices for the wife of a psychopath of any type:
1. let him destroy her, or destroy herself (suicide)
2. become a psychopath like him
3. leave him

Choice #1 and choice #2 are both destruction.

#1 the victim is psychologically tortured, sometimes to the point of suicide.   Some psychopaths have actually murdered their wives.

#2 is that "second" death (Matt. 10:28).
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"...Let's look at it as if you did not write it and it was not directed at me..."

It is not surprising that Xenia thinks I directed my comment at her.  For a narcissist, it is always about them. 

It is also typical and characteristic of narcissists to do a lot of projection.  The "advice"  and the "attention seeking" she sees are both projections.  When a narcissist accuses you of thinking something or feeling something that is not in you, or having motives that you don't, then you can be certain it is in them. 

An example from true life is a malignant narcissist husband who accused his wife of having him followed by a detective.  It had never even occurred to the wife to hire a P.I., and she wondered what she had done to give him that idea.   Months later, in divorce court, it was revealed that the husband had hired a detective to follow his wife, right during the time he had made his accusation against her.

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"But, the Emperor has no clothes!"



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